


A Letter To Lynn Gunn

by DreamlessNights



Category: PVRIS (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 05:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14301789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamlessNights/pseuds/DreamlessNights
Summary: Just a letter to Lynn from the standpoint of a fan. She'll probably never read it but ://// maybe it'll help someone else??? Who knows





	A Letter To Lynn Gunn

"You're going to freeze. You won't want to speak, watch what happens." Laughter. Mine. She is wrong, I never freeze. I've learned to be the face of confidence, of laughter and boldness, even if that's not what I feel internally.   
There are lots of people, all arranged in a semi neat line. Some are wearing band merch. I laugh to myself. What's the point of wearing band merch to meet the band? To me, it seems redundant. There's a big black curtain, and they are behind it. My heart leaps into my chest, I'm excited, even if they won't sign my stuff. It's fine. Wouldn't wish carpal tunnel on anyone, especially not these people who have done so much for me.  
When it is our turn, I freeze. I don't speak, I avoid eye contact. I'm intimidated by these people who mean so much to me. But slightly... Something is off. There seems a shift in confidence, a darkness that just barely seeps into my radar, but it's there, glaringly.   
I see it in the shifty eyes, the emotion that speaks without words. I know what pain looks like, I've been the face of internal pain. And this? This woman? She is suffering, even if she doesn't want to admit it to herself.  
I wish I had the confidence to tell her. To tell her what she meant to everyone in the room. That if she had signed my book with the words I wanted, I would have gotten it tattooed without a doubt, because she helped me discover myself even when I didn't want to find out who I was. I wished I could have told her that her music reached into the depths of my soul and played the strings there in a way that just made perfect sense, and I wished I could have asked her who she'd sold her soul to for her to be able to reach people so effortlessly.   
Lynn, I wished I could have told you. I wished I could have told you that the reason I know that music is my calling is because of your concert, because of the effort you made to connect to your fans. Seeing you and Brian and Alex on stage.... It felt like breathing for the first time. As if everything had just perfectly snapped into place, and I knew that was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. But.... I wanted to hug you at the same time.  
Something was missing from your eyes that night. It seemed like you might have been rushing, which is okay, but I wished I knew why. I don't know how to explain it except you looked the exact same way I look when I'm having a terrible day, when I'm having a depressive episode so bad I just want everything to stop for a while. Lyndsey, I don't know you. I don't know your cat, or Meatball, or your favorite foods, the inside jokes you have with your friends, or who the hell hurt you so bad that sometimes it looks like all the light has died in your eyes.  
Here is what I do know about the genderless woodland elf that is Gerd.  
You have continued to be the person I needed back when I wanted to kill myself. Sometimes, when I still do, when I want to watch everything fade to black, I think about the fact that you stuck through your hard times and now you're doing my dream job with your best friends. That if you can do it, I can do it, too, and make beautiful unique things just like you can. I know you're extremely talented, and smart, and intuitive. I've seen your art and it's beautiful, I've seen you play and that's beautiful, and I've seen you sing live and I think my soul might have floated out of my body. (Side note: there were four guitars and three basses on stage and there was a lot of switching going on, which made me laugh but also I can't imagine even owning four guitars and three basses. As a musically inclined person, I thought that was really cool.)  
I've seen the inspiration that you are to people. As a musician and a person, I think you're amazing, though you probably get told that bunches. You do so much to support hurting people and new musicians, which does worlds of work for those who need it. Yeah, you're gay, and people get hung up on that, but I don't think that's the most important part of who you are. What makes you amazing is who you choose to be day in and day out when you put your fans and your career even above your mental health, when you sacrifice yourself for others and choose selflessness every time.  
However.  
It's okay to take a break, kiddo. You don't have to be going 5 million miles an hour. You shouldn't sacrifice your mental health for anyone. No one should have the power to take the light from your heart. We love you, Lyndsey. We love you as a person more than anything else, and people can be fragile. That's okay. Do what makes you happy, whether that's flying inbetween genders or becoming a furry (actually, no, please don't do that) or transcending into godliness. Stop. Breathe. Enjoy yourself, and never stop smiling.

We love you! 

-Some random fan


End file.
